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Last night I dreamt some interesting events, of which I felt was interesting not because of the content but because of the happening. One part of my long weird dream was that I was in a GP lesson, and I was saying a sentence which was something like 'When I was (doing something), I..", and my GP teacher, which was an angmoh but not robert wilks this time, said in a loud voice: 'WHEN?" Then I think I had a stun face and I repeated the sentence, and then he said "WHEN?" Then I was thought very hard how that sentence was wrong, and then I guessed maybe I should use the word 'whilst'? I didnt know why. Then he nodded and I continued my sentence. Only after 3 dream minutes, I realised I should use whilst because I was describing the fact that when I was in the midst of an action, I did something else..
The interesting thing is, since this is a dream, all the input came from the same brain (by worldly science), and so its pretty paradoxical because on one hand I think I honestly was never conscious or never knew the whilst/when difference, and I was even stunned in the dream, but the fact that my 'GP teacher' pointed it out so fast, means that my brain had this information in it (or did it? thats debatable) but I really never knew. Only now that I type this post out does the whilst and when thingy seem so clear. Anyway, while I was half-awake I told myself to blog this, because even when I was half-awake I realised the paradox of this weird dream.
Thanks to my frisbee batch mates this year, I follow a little soccer. Really little, like tip of the iceberg. After seeing the flurry of posts on facebook of Man City 6 - Man U 1, a few thoughts entered my mind (for those who do not know, they are like competing for the top for EPL this season so people kind of care alot about their match, and a little background info, man u has been owning people since the start of the league).
Anyway, I felt a little sian at the start, cuz I thought Man U is quite cool (though I have to be clear that Im not any soccier team's fan). Afterwards the posts started to fill up my newsfeed, with things like 'disappoint', 'disgrace', 'history', 'remembered', 'wake up', 'ferguson better manage his team', blablabla and all those judgemental, bitter and self-gratifying (subconscious justification of oneself, to make oneself feel good by criticizing others) comments. The purpose of this post is not for me to comment or judge (since I do not have a right to), but it reminded me that in the midst of their (Man U's) glory, winnings, and streaks, they are mere humans with weaknesses. And not just that, if they were proud of themselves before this, it would have been better for them to lose a larger margin if it could help them realise that they are not always in control (or in fact, never had) in their situations, to learn a lesson of humility.
Anyways, to bring this example to Eat Disc. I really hope that the team could realise that things do not always go smoothly, and that there are surely trials and tribulations along the way. I think we should really be thankful for many things that are happening to the team now, of which I shall list the ones that I could think of below):
1) Good weather for ALL the trainings
2) Joyful, optimistic and relatively humble spirit in players during training
3) Almost no injuries, harm to our players during trainings or competitions
4) Good attendance and enthusiasm for all trainings
5) Co-operation and understanding from everyone (all the times)
6) Decrease in flare-ups, use of vulgarities during games nowadays
7) Everyone being able to take time out for training (this is different from the point on attendance, this point is more about the fact that the more major events in our player's lives do not fall on Saturday mornings)
8) Being able to use Farrer Park Fields for training on saturdays, and even when the grounds are used for other competitions, we can use the back!
9) Having a house shelter with bathing facilities (and the fact that their management allow us to use it for free) near the fields for us to go when there is rain
10) Having Facebook so that there could be an Eat Disc Page for easy communication
11) More and more players joining us!
12) No conflicts/misunderstandings between players!
13) Having people of diverse skills, and everyone working towards improvement
And of course, somethings we could further work on:
1) Volunteering Spirit
Very glad and happy to be training and playing with Eat Disc!
- Mood:
cheerful
I think people in Singapore should get married earlier, have children faster. Cuz like after you have a kid, the first 10 years should be quite enjoyable, cuz they are cute, adorable and super innocent. But once they reach adolescent, you will start to sian diao (if you dont have another kid), and when they grow up, you start to worry and stuff. And when you are finally old, like maybe 50-60, if your kid doesnt really care about like making a family, then you might never like get to carry a grandson and relive the old days when your kid was just a baby. So I think its good for most people to get married and have kids early (:
- Mood: happy
Halfway into the day, I received a SMS from SMU to send them the birthdates for GHS for them to buy insurance for us etc. And because I forgot who were the guys in the team, I had to search through my old sent messages, but since it was an old phone, it had really old messages. I looked through some of my sms-es and I felt really happy, because it reminded me of some of my old friends I had in JC (and before they started Uni), how open we were to each other.
Yea thats actually all I wanted to blog about. I mean like, this about-to-be-2 years in army, most of the guys like me wouldnt have moved on with life much. Camp friends and stuff, how close can we really get. Well, like what Mr Edmund Poh (is it? that high school teacher who was half-bald) said, celebrate the memories.
- Mood:
distressed
Yesterday was PvsP and MAF. PVsP was not as high as I thought it would be, but seeing the whole Hwachong Frisbee community together did bring back some memories, like the jumping pass the drain into the sidefield and stuff. I wouldnt say I miss much people in Frisbee, because its not like I have been in contact frequently with those who have left, to be honest the ugly truth is that sometimes we just forget about those people that no longer share the same interests/ lives as us. But seeing them again brings back nice memories and well, it is still cherishable friendship afterall.
MAF was not very awesome. Not many people from my class came back, and even with those that came back it was just the usual hi-byes, how have you been and what are you doing now kind of convo. Well, ugly truth really, but nevertheless doesnt make it something bad, because afterall we still had fun as a class together during our studying years, it is no shame or sadness that now everyone carries on with their lives, for if you think carefully no one really depended on anyone else. Its just that sometimes I feel like these 2 years in NS, I have not been doing enough consequential things, to be truthful I am not a very useful asset to society now, after leeching off so many years of education fees and tender care from teachers and my family. I am doing administration in the SAF, I have not accquired the practical useful skills in Uni that I could apply to help make people's lives better etc. Sometimes I just feel like Im left behind, as my friends continue with their studies, and those in NS now doing things more useful than me. Well, Im not a sadist but I think my life now is too good. Stayout everyday, doing the things I like, you know, slacking sometimes. When I reflect on it, its pretty much of a glutton and useless brat life. Enjoying myself and being self-centered.
Its late and I have to go to bed. Well, I'm starting to not see the point of blogging, because most of the things I wanted to say above probably did not have to go onto the blog, just needed to type them out for purpose of chain of thought and then delete. But well, regarding the PVsP and MAF one I would like it up here so that my friends could know that they are still quite impt to me even if we rarely speak to each other already.
Voila! This post just reminded me of another thing I've learnt in these 2 years: Living life with sloth and worldly fun isnt that 'enjoyable' as what people would imagine it to be. I think real enjoyment comes from working out your passion with conviction.
- Mood:
sleepy
SAF halts training following NSF's death
Army commanders re-emphasise safety during one-day timeout
By Jermyn Chow, Defence Correspondent
The late Third Sergeant Ee Chun Sheng at a cycling event in March. He was also a music lover. -- PHOTO: COURTESY OF KELVIN CHYE
THE Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) yesterday suspended field training in all its army units and training schools for a day, following the training death of a full-time national serviceman (NSF) on Tuesday night.
Some 320,000 active and citizen soldiers from the army's operational units and training institutes were not out in the field, clearing obstacles or carrying out simulation drills. Demanding physical fitness training was also stopped.
The soldiers included those at the Basic Military Training Centre, Officer Cadet School and Specialist Cadet School.
The Defence Ministry said in a statement issued last night that 'during the one-day safety timeout, army commanders re-emphasised training safety to their servicemen'.
The last time the SAF halted physical fitness training was in 2008 when two servicemen died - one collapsed during jungle training and died of heat stroke in Brunei, while the other collapsed at the halfway mark of his 2km training walk.
Mindef declined to comment further citing ongoing investigations into Tuesday's death of NSF Ee Chun Sheng.
-Taken from The Straits Times (http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNew
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Not a better timing than now to post with the title 'a contrite reminder'. 2 things struck me today as contrite reminders, one humbly from me to the commanders of the SAF, and one to me from a lovely child, of which both are related to the army.
Following the death of the NSF during training, the SAF halted training activities on Wed as written in the article above. Despite the respite for the soldiers, I thought that it was quite a pointless political move, mainly for show and lacking, to a large extent (not full extent of course, as Im pretty that there are many people out there weeping for the loss of a friend/family), sincerity. I think instead of providing one time off solutions like halting of activities for a day, the SAF should re-consider it's compassionate side to its soldiers - not the tangible aspects of leave and recorded welfare, but on the more intangible ones. I think more commanders should attempt to be more loving and less judgemental towards their surbodinates. As ironic as it sounds, the strength of an army comes from the widespread love and repsect for one another.
And on my way back from french class, an adorable little girl, estimated to be four or five of age, walked past me with her family. She looked keenly at me and said in a cute and innocent voice,
"soldier"
"protect us from bad guys"
I felt more guilty than joyful for I know I am a very useless soldier for Singapore. A humorous, rampant yet crudely true joke goes "what do we clerks do during war? throw the computers at the enemies?". This uniform is a pitiful facade for one like me. Though I am not paid a lot, I think that I do not even deserve this amount of allowance for the kind of job I do. The little girl reminded me that I should be a useful person in the future, contributing to society in useful ways and not indulging in the widely-coveted race of being acclaimed by Man - "a successful person".
All in all, its great to be part of Eat Disc, I am very interested to see how things will change after Daryl, Jw and Sham goes overseas and the guys go into uni. Hope that all will be well, if not even better!
- Mood: cheerful
In anyways, having duty today (and thus as a result having time to think and read the Word), helped me reflect about my role and weaknesses. I also thought of some underlying problems which might be affecting the team.
Firstly, for the past years, I think I have played the sport rather selfishly. I think I tend to get too engrossed with my performance, always thinking of what I want to achieve and playing without thinking about my teammates. I think from now on, I will start to assess my improvement not only on technical skills and performance, but also how I could influence and help the team develop appropriately and how I could contribute to the improving of my teammate's skills.
Secondly, I think as a team, we are lacking coherence. To elaborate, I think most of us do not have the same ideals and goals for the team - we are not on the same page. We have different opinions of what works well, what does not, and sometimes we are stubborn and unwilling to hear other's opinions. Sometimes the reason for all that is our own ego. I commit all of the above at times, and as of now, since I am more aware of it, I hope to be able to change that. However, I hope that Eat Disc does acknowledge this as something that we should work on.
Thirdly, this is more of a problem of mine, though I think there are some who are also guilty of this along with me. I think most of the time, I am unable to understand and see from my teammate's shoes. Like when someone does something silly, I tend to get angsty. I guess I should try to see the positive things that my teammate does, and if there is any mistakes, a good reminder and advice should do. Afterall, who am I to rebuke him/her? I think there shouldnt be a need for me to be angry/disappointed over losing a match, as long as we have tried our best.
- Mood: calm
Super tired now, really dont feel like writing much. Reached home slept from like 6 to 11, cant wait to sleep again. But just now I thought about it and realised that we should really thank people like Mondster from UPA who organize such OS. We always join these competitions, have lots of fun but then I think people (at least me) sometimes forget that it takes quite alot of hardwork to organize big scale competitions, not only OS, but also Summer, Inter-JC and SUO etc. Its like all these are voluntary and I think Mondster and the rest of the senior players are really dedicated to develop Ultimate in Singapore.
(: Life is good. I think from Frisbee I have learnt alot of non-frisbee stuff.
- Mood: tired
Yesterday was ops duty. I felt my throat becoming swollen yesterday night and so I ate some lozenges during ops duty since I cant go see an MO or report sick outside. This morning I woke up and the swell exacerbated. After I handed over duty to the new duty clerk I decided to go to the medical centre to see the MO. The medical centre is in a neighbouring camp and there is this sick parade driver that is on duty everyday, to fetch sick people from this camp to that. In anyways, I had to walk to the medical centre because of some rank pulling issues and I cant be bothered to ask questions because I was really in pain. Dont judge me so fast, because it is not a sorethroat, its like swollen throat, literally, since I have problems swallowing, eating, drinking etc. Everytime I swallow anything there is this excruciating pain and I can feel a lump right on my throat. So for the whole day I felt super tired and heaty (and not to mention, the constant pain).
I reached the medical centre at 815 and got to see the MO at 1115. I waited for 3 hours and only saw him for 30s. Not surprisingly, they let all the higher rank people who were not reporting sick (just there to do some check up i suppose) to see the doctor before I got my turn. So much for priority. I told the MO I cant eat, drink, swallow and he looked at my throat. He just said "Hmm why is everyone getting this nowadays, Ill prescribe you some antibiotics. Thats all, any questions?" Then I asked how long it will take to recover, he said "5 days". I gave him that wts face and he said "ok la, 3 days can le". As usual, a loser like me never gets the MCs, so I had to go back to camp. The whole afternoon was agony but God bless that my boss did not come back so I could sleep awhile. Even sleeping was hard because everytime I swallowed (every human naturally and involuntarily swallows saliva all the time without knowing) I could feel that burning pain in my throat.
Lunch before that was even worse. Whenever I swallowed down anything, there was this unexplainable pain-irritation. Its not a scorching pain or a sharp pain, its a dull, metallic, lukewarm scratch down my throat. There is pain nevertheless but I really dont know how to describe it.
In anyways, I have given up on talking about doctors needing to be more compassionate because I believe that the pressure they get from up there telling them to reduce the number of MCs given to NSFs is immense. I cant expect them to think in the perspective of an NSF and feel how he feels, because when I imagined myself as a MO attending to an NSF patient, and thinking about how my bosses up there would question me about giving MC, Ill would have probably not gave and think that just a day or two of suffering is ok for them. But God bless that he has enabled me to feel how horrible it is to be stuck in camp, not allowed to rest and unable to recover, feeling the constant torture of the illness, tormenting me physically and psychologically. It struck me as to how important love and compassion is.
The bible reminds me about how important it is to love your neighbour as yourself, something which I find very difficult. I am often unable to see in other people's perspective and judge quickly. I read an article about relationships and there was this article about love. It was quite inspiring because it was contrary to the teenage kind of articles on relationships where superfluous quotes of ideal prince-princess/ emo kind of 'love' are rampant in the page. To summarize the article, it wrote that one should learn how to love unconditionally all those around him first before he could understand better what it means to love someone and spending a life with her. A pastor from TYA did talk about 'loving the man but hating the sin'. but I still find trouble really understanding it.
The reason why I blogged today is because just now while I was still in agony (I still am in agony now), a thought came to my mind. I felt like I should try to take medicine in Uni. Because maybe my fustration of judgmental doctors overpowered me and made me want to be a loving doctor (if I could). The realities then struck me.
1) Im super interested in engineering and I thought of using engineering as a tool for getting a meaningful job in the future. I really want to go into green energy at some point in my life and I feel really horrible if I have to give up that 'dream'.
2) It would be hard to get into medicine, and even if I did, I have to forsake a really good scholarship that I am happy with. I like the 6 year bond (because it ensures me a job) and from what I seen and heard I think Ill like working there alot. Also must pay the $1k thing if I choose to cancel the scholarship.
3) This 2 years in NS spent would be quite a waste if I ended up taking medicine though afterwards I realised that this 2 years spent being at the bottom of the food chain taught me quite alot. Like how to be a better boss next time (if I even ever become one). Even if I do not become one, it really thought me how to empathize with the poorer/lower social status people so that everyone will be happy.
4) Lastly, it is so hard to be a loving doctor in Singapore. Pressure from the top is one reason. Not only in giving out of MCs, even in surgical procedures, there are so many red tapes. Some doctors I know tell me that when you first start working you have to follow like a million protocols, its like you are just a robot trained to follow those protocols and occasionally apply your 'professional' skill.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
- Mood:
sick
